i'm always gonna show up.

a few months ago i stayed overnight at brandon and erica's place. erica was deeply engrossed in the third season of Grey's Anatomy, and so against my better judgment, i joined in.

there was part of one episode that has stuck with me since seeing it in April.

Meredith and Derek have an argument, because Meredith unknowingly endangers Derek's opportunity to become Chief of Surgery by letting another contender know that the position is available. Derek is angry at Meredith, and yells at her for telling anyone else about the opening. Meredith leaves the hospital alone that evening and goes home. Derek shows up at her place.

D: You left without me.
(awkward look from Meredith)
D: Now you're not talking to me.
(eye contact. silence. Derek sighs.)
D: I was a jerk. Sometimes boyfriends can be jerks. It doesn't mean you stop talking to them.
(eye contact. silence.)
D: You get that I'm saying I'm sorry... right?
M: You yelled at me for no reason, and you walked away, and now you show up here.
D: Of course I showed up. Why wouldn't I? You don't trust me?
M: I do.
D: Well, this is how it works. You fight sometimes, and somebody apologizes.
M: Well how am I supposed to know that?
(light bulb appears to go off in Derek's head. a mixture of surprise and understanding.)
D: You've never done this before.
M: No, I've never done this before.
D: Hmm. Okay, alright. Well, this is -- From now on you can expect that I'm gonna show up. Even if I yell, even if you yell. I'm always gonna show up. Okay?
M: Okay.

apparently Meredith had never had a relationship in which she successfully worked through a conflict. she and the guy would fight, and he would take off. that's it. relationship, done. this was the first time a man showed up after a fight. even if i yell, even if you yell. i'm always gonna show up.

i saw this scene, and i cried. i cried and cried and cried. and i cried some more.

there was something in my heart that deeply identified with what was happening here. i have never had this kind of security with an earthly man, yet it is something i've always desired. i've always wanted a man with a kingly heart. a man who will not give up. a man of courage.

if a fictional character who doesn't give a rip about You can get it right, surely the real thing must be that much more amazing.