a couple things.

one. i've been wearing a little bit of eye-makeup this past week. not really for any reason in particular...i guess partly because now that i'm sans boyfriend, i'm slightly more conscious of how i look in public... more than that, though, it's just that as it gets colder, my skin isn't quite as oily, so eye-makeup stays on longer. in the summertime it's pointless. within an hour the stuff migrates to the crease on my eyelid. but now, it'll last for a good several hours. anyway, when i wear it, it's not much. a little mascara here, a little light shadow there. very subtle, because the more eye-makeup i wear, the more there is to get in my eyes. the funny thing is, SEVEN people mentioned it today. well, most of them just said, "you look really pretty today... something's... different," and i figure it had to be the eyes because everything else was same old, same old. it was amusing, but..... weird.

two. i made a cd tonight. of ara songs. i'm not sure if this is a great idea, but i've done it before and it seems to eventually be therapeutic. i put all of the songs that i associate with him on a cd. the theory behind doing this is basically the same as when i write a song about a particularly hurtful situation. it sort of allows me to project how i feel into something tangible. and it's kind of like a patch; listening to certain songs gives me enough ara to be ok for the day, and then over time i need less and less of it.

i really miss him today, if you can't tell. i really miss his smell. he doesn't usually wear cologne or aftershave, but his clothes always smell freshly laundered, even though he smokes. it's just such a comforting smell to me, that smell of being nestled in the nook between his arm and chest. i miss the scent of his breath. i know that sounds kind of weird, but you could blindfold me and have a hundred guys stand in front of me, just breathing, and i could tell you which one was ara just by the way his breath smells. it smells sweet. even after he smokes or if he has just eaten, there are still traces of that smell there. and i miss it.

three. my store is all decked out in christmas gear, and it's only november 12th. apparently, we are required to play nothing but christmas music until after the holidays. sometimes i think i would rather listen to the coffee timers beeping than listen to christmas music for six weeks straight. but on the up-side, we have these big BEARista teddy bears with red noses and antlers on them that are supercute, and i've seriously considered buying one and having it occupy the passenger seat of my car so that it may be my seasonal boyfriend. i'll let you know how that works out for me.