in this moment, i will love.

if i try to save my life i will lose it/but if i lose my life for Your sake, i'll find it in the end/ i'll find it in the end/life is found in the letting go/joy is found in the giving it all away

i am most at peace when i am totally abandoned to You. it's so funny how that works. and how infrequently i am totally abandoned. today i've had a revelation of, in my unredeemed nature, how controlling i am. in my flesh, i am constantly wanting to control and manipulate people and situations. it's ugly. maybe most of you already know this about me. i think it's something that i'm just starting to realize. it's ugly.

there really is no good in me apart from You. in the moments when i am loving You with everything in me, i am unshakable. it's true, nothing phases me during those times, because i am so confident that You are leading me. but i so easily get distracted by lesser lovers, and before i know it, i barely remember what Your voice sounds like.

but loving You with all of my heart and soul and mind and strength doesn't have to be something that i do ten years from now. i really can do it now! in this very moment, i can give You everything, no matter how much i sucked at doing it five minutes ago. i can do it in this very moment.

yes.