momentary, light.

today was a hard one. i am sooo ready for this season of my life to be over. this whole thing is so frustrating to me, on a myriad of different levels. i just don't see any progress. and mostly that means in my own heart. my heart being free is more important than the situation changing; of this i am sure. but i just don't see it. i am still so hurt, so wounded. i still struggle with anger and bitterness and resentment on a daily basis regarding this.

i feel like there is a key that would unlock something here, but i do not have the key. and my question to You is, am i doing something(s) wrong, that i would not experience breakthrough in this, or is it still a matter of waiting on You? where is the key? where is the perspective that i am lacking, that would shed light on this and bring freedom and healing to my heart?

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My soul faints with longing for your salvation,
but I have put my hope in your word.
My eyes fail, looking for your promise;
I say, "When will you comfort me?"
Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke,
I do not forget your decrees.
How long must your servant wait?
(Psalm 119:81-84)

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i am tired.

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but it's these momentary, light afflictions
working out for me
something better than their weight in gold
something i just can't quite see right now

i know You must be applying the gentlest of pressure
to achieve the greatest measure of love in me
and i know i want to hide, i want to run away
anything to escape the heat of Your gaze
but please, help me stand in spite of pain
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You are the Strength of my heart, and my Portion forever.