what you've all been waiting for... or not. you've probably forgotten that this blog even exists, what with my infrequent writings and such. please understand, it's not that i don't want to, it's just that other things have been occupying my time as of late-- things such as sleeping, working, traveling, hanging out with a guy i've affectionately renamed Dizzle Shambizzy, and now, school.

in fact, i am using valuable studying time to deliver the goods tonight. tell your friends.

so i have discovered something important in the very recent past. it's something that i figured would come eventually, but now it is here and i must say, it's about time.

there is life after ara.

i was scared for awhile there that it wasn't going to go away, but i believe that in the past couple weeks God has helped me to figure some things out. namely, that my biggest fear now about ara is that i will move on and be happy without him, but that he won't be able to do the same. and i don't mean that in a conceited, he'll-be-lost-without-me sort of way. i mean, that's exactly what i don't want to happen. perhaps it never did, in which case, great. but in the last conversations that he and i had several months ago, i dunno... it just seemed like he knew, or sensed, that in 5-10 years (maybe sooner) he was going to regret how he handled us, but he wasn't ready to do anything about it. and the thing is, i don't want that to happen. i want him to be happy, and to find someone that is better for him than me. i don't want him to be hung up on me for the rest of his life, or even now. and like i said, maybe he never has been, but that's been my fear. that he wouldn't be happy.

figuring out that that is the primary reason why i have been holding onto this for so long was just very... freeing. i can't quite explain it well, but i finally feel a better ending in my heart. and i hope that perhaps at some point in the future he and i can dialogue about things, maybe even be friends, but we shall see.

all that to say that there is a new man. his name is dan. he keeps cool with a fan. he doesn't like flan. okay i'm done.

i'm not sure what exactly to tell you about dan in the limited amount of time that i have. here are a few things.

• he loves Jesus. it's a rather new thing for him, but i've been watching it radically change his life, which is amazing. he actually just got baptized yesterday.
• he is very honest
• he is patient
• he is polite
• he is kind
• he is very funny, and he thinks i am hilarious
• he takes care of me
• he stands up for me
• he is very good to his family
• he cooks well
• he is very thoughtful
• he is very intelligent
• he loves my music
• he is a musician, but not a frontman
• he is prudent in just about every decision he makes

there is so much more i could say. i feel most of these things sound so superficial, but that is one thing dan is not.

i spent quite a bit of time trying to convince myself that it just wouldn't work with dan. too young, too shy, too... whatever. but especially in the past month or so, every reservation i have had, no matter how trivial it was, has been addressed without me saying a word. well, except his age (he's 19). but it really has proven to be a non-issue. the level of maturity he possesses i think in some ways surpasses my own, and yet he isn't old enough to be set in his ways. he is totally teachable and open to learning.

even while tired, he will wax eloquent on important subjects, such as:

cap'n crunch. is it a buoy? a raft? a crushed can?

asparagus. it makes your pee smell funny.

pineapple. oh pineapple, what are you? not a citrus, not a melon, not an apple.

oh, did i mention that we work together? at starbucks. its a little scandalous, but fun.

and... i dunno... this just... works. really well. it's great.

that's all i have to say for now.

more updates later... hopefully in the near future.