another week of my summer come and gone. it's hard to determine whether or not i'm looking forward to school starting or not. on the one hand, summer is full of freedom. no coming home to homework, no having to schedule around classes, no research papers to write, road trips are much easier to maneuver. on the other hand, i like school. i enjoy learning, i like the routine, i like my school friends.

i shall wait to officially decide whether or not i am looking forward to school until a later date. i still have approximately two months to decide.

in other news, it has been a very strange week indeed. last week was family vacation in massachussetts, which had both high and low points.

on one hand, i got to see some family that i rarely see, i got to hang out with some friends in downtown boston for a night, enjoying the refreshing-but-sometimes-disturbing honesty of pedro the lion. we were sitting across the street in the city of boston/cambridge (i'm not sure which) when there was an explosion underneath the ground in the subway, which drew the entirety of the cambridge police AND fire departments to guard the area with highly secure yellow caution tape and to remark to one another, "hey, there was an explosion" as they stood peering over the grills in the sidewalk that overlooked the subway below. and i was across the street with my dear friends witnessing this stunning performance at close range. very exciting.

on the other hand, there was quite a bit of family turbulence. i'm sure a lot of it was due in part to my short fuse. as much as i enjoy socializing, i really rejuvinate by spending time alone. being in a place where i don't have "me" space or time for more than a couple days becomes very stressful very quickly. and so my patience was repeatedly tried, and several times i lost the battle, i would say.

however, i would say that equally draining for me was the realization that there are very few people in my life who will defend me publicly. mysteriously, many people support me in private but not in public. it's a lot like being in front of a firing squad blindfolded, i imagine-- not knowing who will fire the first shot or when it will happen, and not being able to relax until either everybody has put their guns down, or... you're dead. i don't mean for this to be as melodramatic as it sounds, but i just use it to illustrate the point that having no idea who will stand up for me outside of private conversations wears me out and makes me feel very alone. and not in the "look-at-me-i'm-a-martyr" sort of way. sometimes a girl just needs a friend.