some days it is just blatantly obvious to me how much cooler than me people i know are. i don't know if the grammar there works but there you have it. i seem to know a multitude of people who are just much cooler than i am. i don't know if they know this, and i have no idea why they think i am cool. of course some of them don't think i am cool, and i suppose that makes them all the cooler because they have recognized the truth-- that i am really not cool after all. i say all of this not as some feeble attempt to gain your pity and compliments on how cool you think i am, as i am really not that insecure... most of the time... it's just sometimes i think of what a privilege it is to have somehow made it on your short list. really. you're cool.

the past few days have been... good. better. i have a little more hope in this moment than i've had in a long time, and not just regarding a particular situation, but even in general. i have more hope today than i did yesterday that rests in the idea that God does and will do the things He promises. i have a little more faith that the world is not going to end as a result of the questions i have right now, because i am not the first to ask them. basically, everything is going to be okay, even if it's not in the way i anticipate.

when peace like a river attendeth my way
when sorrows like sea billows roll
whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say
it is well, it is well with my soul

it is well with my soul. mmmhmm. that's right. i'm getting that tattooed on me. soon.