when it rains it pours.

six years ago today i was standing on a riser in my eighth grade choir concert, and i watched the special guest choral conductor have a heart attack in the middle of our performance and die five feet away from me. just remembered that. now that we've shared the happy news...

i would like to know if all of you guys with whom i've had relationships in the past get together on a regular basis to discuss how you can work together to make me an emotional wreck. i mean i say that as a joke, but seriously. it's like you guys planned it, though i guess it's not fair to take myself out of the equation of the events that have transpired in the last few days. i guess i have to laugh at the irony of it all. then i'll cry. then i'll laugh. see? emotional wreck.

this is how the story goes. boy likes girl. girl likes boy. girl and boy get to know each other and like each other more in the context of at least a somewhat committed relationship. boy cheats on girl. girl is heartbroken and moves on. boy realizes he's stupid. boy comes back to girl. this is the story of my life. what exactly is it about me that attracts these types of guys? because to my recollection, there is only one instance in which this has NOT happened to me. and it's not like these guys, for the most part, are real jerks. they just make a one-time mistake. but it's always with me. sometimes people say i should be flattered to always be the one who eventually ends up turning the guy down when he comes back, but you know, it makes me feel cheap. why is it that you can't be happy with me the first time around? that you have to come back when i'm over you and dig up old emotional crap that i dealt with once and don't want to deal with again? not that i didn't learn anything from us... God works all things out for good. but you think that in the time passed you have learned a lot from your mistakes in our previous relationship and are a much better person now. the first time was practice. now let's try the real thing. the problem is, the first time was the real thing for me.