wow. i just realized that my entry yesterday was filled with more grammatical errors than usual, some of which i corrected, but i still see a few. i wasn't doing very good with the pronouns. sorry.

everyone's changing their templates. i was thinking last week about how maybe i should sometime. i'd like to design my own but i know so little about all this newfangled computer html crap. i'm a sorry excuse for a computer geek.

washington. okay, here are some facts. friday night kim picked me up from the airport and we got back to her house at 11 pm. her 8-year-old daughter gave me her room for the duration of my stay, which was fantastic. kim showed me around upstairs, and we walk into "my" room, and next to the bed there is a fruit basket with fruit, choclate, bottled water, and body scrub stuff. on the desk in the room there were a bouquet of beautiful flowers. freaking almost made me cry.

over the course of the 4-5 days that i was there, we took kids to gymnastics and piano lessons, walked around the bay in downtown olympia, visited downtown seattle, and were attacked by a killer blue slurpee machine. downtown seattle was AWESOME. i really wish i could have spent some more time there. i got to go into THE VERY FIRST STARBUCKS EVER OPENED. it was fantastic. it's in this place called pike's place market, where they throw fresh fish back and forth and sell food and merchandise, including a sickeningly large collection of belt buckles. on tuesday night, kim and i and her three kids stopped at a 7-11 to get slurpees, and kim was trying to get the blue slurpee machine to work, but something was wrong and it wasn't coming out right. suddenly, OUT OF NOWHERE, the slurpee machine tried to kill kim. basically, it exploded, covering her in her nice white sweater with blue slurpee. i didn't actually see it happen, just the gory aftermath. i turn around and she has this big blue stripe on the front of her sweater. soooo sad. but thankfully, she was physically unharmed, just emotionally traumatized. she didn't even get a free slurpee.

i could go through all the details of the weekend, but what's really important is what i took away from it. kim and i are like perfect friends. it's so weird. i haven't seen her in a year and a half but we just get along like we've known each other forever. we have great conversation, we both need our "me" times, and we both express love and receive love for and from people in the same ways, which just makes for a very fulfilling friendship. i was around 3 kids under the age of 10 for 5 days, which was different because i'm never around kids and i'm not very good with them. but for some reason they loved me. i couldn't get it. each one of them told me the night before i left that they wished i was their sister. and i say that not as with bragging rights or anything but just because it made me cry and sort of validated some sort of feeling for me that maybe i will be an okay parent some day, you know?

on that note, i have to say that lately i've been thinking. about relationships, and marriage, and families and the like. and i've sort of come to the conclusion... not really a conclusion, but i guess something along those lines... that i could not get married and be okay. and when i say okay i mean really okay. of course physically okay, i mean, i wouldn't die without a husband or kids. but more than that. for all intents and purposes, i've been "on my own", that is, without a significant other in a normal relationship, since i was a freshman in high school. the relationships that i've had since have all been long distance, so i'm used to not seeing the guy for long periods of time. i'm accustomed to my independence, and my up-and-go lifestyle isn't accomodating to very many people. more than THAT, i'd rather not be married at all than marry the "wrong" person. and it's weird, i mean there are definitely times when i desire that romantic intimacy in a relationship... but for the first time in my life, i really think that i would be okay without it. i guess there is just this standard i have that has only really been met by one guy in the past, and i've thought about this all enough to come to reason that i would rather not be in a relationship than settle for something less than what that standard was. and that's okay with me.