so i went to the bank on saturday to open a new checking account. i'd never done this by myself before; just once a few years ago with my mom who works for a division of the bank the account was with. unfortunately, that bank is nowhere to be found in chicago, so depositing checks is a pain. so i'm sitting down with the woman, she's telling me everything i need to know about my account, and the time comes to pick my checks. i'm looking through the check catalogue, and under most of the selections there are several bonus options that you can add to your checks to make them more personalized. these options include calligraphied letters in the corner by your address or a choice of four phrases or sentences that might best describe you. in the instance of the kitty-laden checks, one of the phrases the lucky customer can choose from is: "i am an animal lover by nature." now i am fine with the letter insignia thing. that's ok. but to print random, stupid information about yourself on your checks? what the freak? why would you want the world to know that you are an animal lover by nature? why? i need the answer to this question and i need it now. what if i wanted to write "i'm really a monkey" on my checks? or "i have cheese in my pants"? or "my mother served me paint chips for dinner as a child"? what is going to happen next? what is going to keep the situation from getting completely out of hand? there will be nothing stopping the sick individual from disclosing personal information about the regularity of his bowel movements on his checks! nothing! someone needs to stop this and stop it now!

more about the epiphany later. i know you are waiting. my day went from great to suck in about an hour today so i need some time to reflect.