mattresses for heavy people.

now I don’t want to insult the intelligence of downtown chicago business owners, but really. is this an effective advertising gimmick? to have “mattresses for heavy people” plastered on your store window in neon orange lettering? I mean why don’t you just say “hey FATTY FATTY TWO BY FOUR, IF YOU CAN’T FIT THROUGH OUR FRONT STORE DOOR, well that’s okay because we have a mattress that WILL!” you see, by advertising this fact, you are putting the overweight customer in a couple predicaments.

number one: the obese shopper must publicly admit to the salesman that he/she is overweight by purchasing one of these mattresses.

“hi my name is sandy and as you can see I’m a bit portly. I need a mattress that will not cave in due to my weight.”

this could be very embarrassing for many, I’m sure.

number two: if the plump customer enters the mattress store and does NOT look for “mattresses for heavy people”, he/she must suffer the stares of disdain from the salesmen, who are seriously thinking that this person needs more than just an average mattress.

“hi I’m looking for a mattress.”
“we have just the thing for you! let me show you to our section of mattresses for heavy people!”

ouch. thanks for the crack about my weight. you can go suck an egg.

on a related note, my mom and I visited FAO Schwartz on Saturday for a few minutes, and it was interesting to note how each of the employees seem to have a section of toys that they are very familiar with. one guy was great with puppets, this other girl was apparently appointed head of the karaoke department, which, I’ll be real honest with you, was a mistake. they were selling karaoke machines for kids, and it’s not that she couldn’t sing on pitch or even that she didn’t have a good voice; it’s just that an operatic choir girl is not the kind of person you want to have singing “dancing queen” to you as you are walking past her section of the store. and it wasn’t even the real dancing queen accompaniment track; it was a cheesy little midi thing. why? why? WHY? and what 10-year-old kid is gonna know dancing queen? I don’t understand why there are FAO Schwartz employees designated to sing to you in the store. it’s scary. and I don’t know why children’s karaoke machines come with midi tracks to dancing queen.