on my fondness for winter (or lack thereof)

i'm sure you would agree with me when i say that this time of year is not my favorite (to not agree with me about my own preferences would be, well... ). for one thing, there is the snow which, pre-christmas, was such a friendly reminder that the holidays would soon arrive and that family and friends would be near, sipping hot chocolate by cozy fires and participating in countless rounds of white elephant gifting.... ah yes... every retail store's christmas-season fantasy.

but post-christmas snow is just depressing. i, for one, feel like it is a waste of perfectly good snow. it makes things ugly when it begins to melt and to take on the color of grossness. it makes things unnecessarily slippery and requires the need for copious amounts of salt, the necessary evil which makes me never want to salt my food again. i've seen what it does to my car... do i really want it doing the same thing inside of my body? before christmas, we deal with the inconvenient weather with a smile; after all, it is almost christmas! after christmas, however, grim reality sets in. this is never going to end. it is always going to be unexcitingly snowy and bitterly cold.

which brings me to the next reason why i am not crazy about this time of year: the temperature. right now, chicago is in the throes of what i believe meteorologists would term an "arctic blast" -- coincidentally, i think dairy queen has some sort of beverage/food item by the same name -- which, is just an all-around hilarious term for... well... anything. what do you think it means for us when the media feels compelled to creatively exaggerate descriptions of our weather patterns?

arctic blasts mean really expensive electrical bills. cold everything. extra car-warming time.
lots and lots of clothing. shivering. window-scraping. none of which are what i would call "good things."

in addition to unwanted snow and frigid temperatures, there is also this inherent loneliness that seems to always accompany this time of year... at least, for me. i would suppose that this factor is really what makes the others so unpleasant. i want deeper connection and community, but it seems like it's just harder for everyone. we're all tired. we're cold.

i'm hopeful that, one year, You will show me the beauty of this season. maybe some day, the south winds will blow on my garden in january. right now, though, i feel so broken and aware of my sin... which, is good, i suppose. it shows me how utterly wicked i am apart from Your intervention. there really is no good in me apart from You, Jesus. this is a hard reality to swallow. it is hard to face You when i repeatedly fail at obedience. but, i trust that You, and only You, can transform me... and You want to! give me an undivided heart, that i would fear Your name.

i can't stop here, even though i feel like hibernating until april. i have to lean on You, You who loves me like no other. i want to come out of the wilderness leaning on my Beloved.

i will waste my life
and i'll be tested and tried
with no regrets inside of me
just to find i'm at Your feet,
just let me find i'm at Your feet.
i'll leave my father's house and
i'll leave my mother
i'll leave all i have known and
i'll have no other
for i am in love with You and there is no cost
i am in love with You and there is no loss
i am in love with You, I want to take Your name
i am in love with You
i want to cling to You, Jesus
just let me cling to You, Jesus
i'll say goodbye to my father, my mother
i'll turn my back on every other lover
and i'll press on, yes i'll press on
for i am in love with You, yes i am

oh, that this would be the song of my heart, even now.