until the storm has passed.

i feel another Season coming on. the Lord took me under for six months earlier in the year, and then brought me up for some air. and now... four months later... i see a valley up ahead.

i feel like what i imagine people in the south feel like a few days before a hurricane makes landfall. they start boarding up their doors and windows, bracing themselves for the impact, not knowing how mild or devastating the storm will be. and that's where i'm at now. i see the hurricane, but it has not quite made landfall yet, and it's weird to know how to respond before it does. it's hard to really enjoy the time beforehand, because the possibility of impending doom kind of puts a damper on a good time. and yet... it seems to soon to weep and mourn. i tried, but it almost felt fake or premature or something.

of course i'm not looking forward to it, and yet... i feel as though this is something that the Lord has ordained for me. affliction. there is something attained through the refining fire of pain that cannot be achieved in any other way. and i am thankful and hopeful (oh, that i would be more!) that the Lord will make any and every suffering we endure redemptive and purposeful when we pursue Him in the midst.

so, i say all this to you because... it's possible that i may not be writing much for this next season. it's not that i don't want to talk about it... it's more that i just feel as though i'm not SUPPOSED to. often times when i talk to you about my problems, it is because i want to find people who will affirm that what i feel is the right thing. and this time, i just feel the Lord wanting to bring me into the place of depending SOLELY on Him for the answers and not on the opinions of men. i want HIS affirmation. i want HIS touch. i want to hear HIS voice and know HIS heart.

so if you ask me how i'm doing, and i say "uhhh... okay," please don't press the matter. just know that i'm in the middle of the storm, and the most helpful thing you can do for me is give me a hug and ask the Lord to accomplish all of His plans and purposes in me during this time, ever-becoming the Strength of my heart.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in You my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings
until the disaster has passed (Psalm 57:1).