FREAKING BAT.

so i'm leaving to move back to chicago for my sophomore year of college in approximately 36 hours, and of course the logical thing to do at midnight 36 hours before you leave for college is... common, take a guess... DECOUPAGE! i think there is supposed to be some sort of accent over one of those letters, but ah well. so i'm flipping through endless Redbook magazines that mom has lying around, cutting out interesting pictures and ads and whatnot, when out of nowhere, into the kitchen, flies a FREAKING BAT. i'm not making this up.

i'm sure that most of you are bat amateurs. you think bats are demure, fragile creatures. ugly but harmless, you say. not this bat. nearly as big as Batman himself and more aggressive, this bat's motives were quite obviously singular: to scare the sh** out of me in order that it might suck out all of my life-giving American blood as I lay paralyzed in fear on the cold wooden floor. thanks to my cheetah-like reflexes, however, i was able to dodge its repeated attempts to bash in my head by ducking and then crawling in trench fashion to the office, where i could hide behind the safety of a closed door. now the bat keeps flying into the freaking office door, calling me a pansy for retreating. I'm starting to think that perhaps this was not the ideal room to hide in. I don't have food, water, or a bed. this is a race against time. if you don't hear from me in 2 days, call the homocide division of the West Des Moines Public Police Department.