i'm doing something right now that i haven't done in a very long time.

i am listening to music as i type.

most of you might not think this unusual, but well... let me explain.

first of all, while i am not a terrible multi-tasker, i must admit that it is difficult for me to carry on a conversation and do something else that requires any amount of my concentration at the same time. for instance, if i were making your drink at the Star and you tried to have a focused discussion with me about something important, i would probably spill your drink all over myself. sorry about that. i'll make another. thank you for being patient.

listening to music, especially when i'm alone, is like a conversation to me. it's never really background music. i am always listening, always thinking about the words and what they mean or were meant to mean.

tonight the conversation is with Sleeping at Last. the first album: Capture. this whole album reminds me of cornerstone.

thank you for every smile, for every memory.
i miss all the times we could just laugh at the way we were
and how we maintained a smile in the worst of times.
all the simple words you'd say that could make every day beautiful.

i remember the year i met (or, rather, re-met) noah at cornerstone. that was the first time i heard this song. we were standing in the tent, listening to the band play, and it just seemed like one of those scenes out of a movie. something dramatic, something that would play behind two lovers reunited after ten years of separation while they were kissing or something.

noah was something else. i had a really big crush on him for awhile after cornerstone that year. i didn't really tell too many people about that one. probably because it was such a short-lived romance. we basically spent two whole nights talking about everything. we walked around cornerstone til 4 a.m. one night, watching people make out and making fun of them. it was great. i remember that night i was cold and noah gave me his coat. he walked me to my tent at the end of the night. i tried to give him back his jacket but he said i had to keep it because it was his assurance of seeing me the next day.

the problem with noah and i (besides the fact that we live almost 1000 miles apart) was that our romance started in the dark. literally. we met late in the evening and spent the whole night talking. the absence of light (plus emo music) makes things more interesting, more mysterious, more exciting to people like noah and me. anything can be romantic in the dark. but in the morning, when the sun comes up and the world is right, what is there? no longer are we mysterious creatures of the night-- in the morning, we are real. gray sweatpants, no make up, as john mayer would say.

it's a good thing it never worked out... between noah and i, that is. he's kind of moody for my taste, and i don't think he ever thought i was really funny.

which is a HUGE problem. because i AM.

anyway, i'm not lamenting the love-that-never-was or anything. Sleeping at Last just put me in the mood to reminisce.

and now i am going to sleep. **sigh** at last.