*sound of me gagging as Miss USA tells the world during the Miss Universe pageant that the biggest issue facing women today is peace*

unfortunately, they don't pick the sharpest crayons in the box to compete in the Miss Universe pageant, although perhaps this is already assumed by the fact that, in order for it to really be a Miss Universe pageant, there need to be contestants from AT LEAST the other eight planets in the solar system, if not from an asteroid or two. having 80 contestants from planet earth is quite unfair to the rest of the universe and is quite earth-o-centric if i do say so myself. give venus a fighting chance.

the beginning of gloria estefan's performance on the show could be likened to the bad auditions of american idol, but worse-- in my book, rhythm is a little more important than pitch, and although the miami sound machine was doing an excellent job behind her, poor gloria's monitors weren't working for the first song or two, which got a little tricky when she tried to spit out "come-on-shake-your-body-baby-do-the-conga" in time with a band she couldn't hear. the resulting sound produced in me a response that i bet is much like the one that would occur if i were to try and suck up a carbonated beverage with my nose.

which, contrary to popular belief, i would never do. on purpose.