yesterday was a suck day. i've been having fewer and fewer of those days lately since it's started getting warmer over here in these parts, but today it was rainy and cool and it was just very depressing. i was extremely tired as well. that made things worse. it's funny how the little old heartaches seem brand new on suck days. for really no reason other than the weather just makes things... well... suck. but i worked last night and i did something that i haven't done for quite some time, and it redeemed the day. thank you jesus. then i went to the Y and ran 6 miles. and now i have blisters on my feet. that sucks.

a couple days ago rock star and i talked voice to voice for the first time since...well... i guess it was the end of december, maybe beginning of january. i don't remember. he called while i was at school writing a paper and i opted to answer my phone. he asked if i was busy, which i kind of was, so we agreed to talk at a later time when i have free minutes... he was overly apologetic for having "bothered" me and said he "really missed talking to [me]." i think i said thanks and that was it. and quite honestly it was very difficult for me to concentrate for awhile afterwards. i'm not sure why... i mean i don't want the romantic reconciliation, nosirree. i'm not one to say never, but how i feel about this situation right now is closer to never than i've ever been. i guess maybe it made me feel weird because it's a chance to say things i wanted to say. and i have the upper hand right now in the LI theory of relationships. LI meaning least interest. whoever is least interested controls the relationship. not just in romance, but in any sort of relationship. so right now i control the relationship between rock star and i. and i don't want that to be a source of pride or anything, but it just means that when i speak, he will listen. so i could potentially rip him a new hole, which is what part of me wants to do, but i think that angel sitting on my shoulder will say otherwise.