sugar boogies.

that's the technical term. for those of you who may not have encountered such great terms of intellect, allow me to explain what sugar boogies are. in lay terms, sugar boogies are the naturally occurring result of a product that you, the reader, can find at any local drugstore. this product is called zycam, and the inventor of such a glorious item should be given a cookie, a get-out-of-jail-free pass, and a no-questions-asked entrance into heaven. zycam's usage instructions implore the user to spray this substance into his nose when cold symptoms first appear. the liquid, which helen says is a glucose and zinc mixture, absorbs into your bloodstream through your nasal passage. it is supposed to significantly reduce the duration of the common cold. sounds promising, right? absolutely. what i find fascinating about zycam is how it works to help your body rid itself of a cold. what follows is a play by play account of this process.

glucose and zinc are buddies. teammates, if you will. kamikaze molecules. glucose says to zinc,

"hey buddy, would you be interested in going up someone's nose with me, because that virus bastard stole my girlfriend last week and i want to avenge my loss, but i need your help."

zinc says, "dude, i know what you mean! that scum stole my sack lunch last month and never paid me back! what can i do to help?"

"well, here's what i'm thinking. we go up the dude's nose, we enter into his bloodstream. we find virus. i distract him with food, and when he's not looking you beat the freak out of him."

"can i use explosives?"

"anything you want."

and so the story goes. fighting for truth, justice, and the american common cold, glucose and zinc together give up their own lives for the betterment of mankind, to make my existence here on God's green earth just a little more tolerable. after their stunning act of heroism, the fruits of glucose's and zinc's labor manifest as little white flakes of the sugary mixture in your nose. you can't avoid them, and usually you can't tell that they are there. which is a bad thing, because the odds of walking around unwittingly with white flakes hanging from your nostrils are that much higher when you can't feel them. and those white flakies, my friends, are what we like to call in the scientific field sugar boogies. believe me. it's in any reputable science textbook.

so the choice is up to you. tough out the cold or deal with the sugar boogies. let me know what you decide.

and mark, i'll try to give you a ring tonight if my voice comes back. :)